If It Walks Like a Duck…

Posts Tagged ‘celebrities


Oh, did you really think the hood-fab weddings were over? NOPE! This lovely couple thought having their wedding reception at McDonald’s was a good idea. Now maybe they were simply trying to save some $$, but let’s hope there’s some sort of sentimental value here and assume perhaps the couple met at McDonald’s. But for some reason, I don’t think that’s it.


I have a serious issue with Kim Porter. She is a gorgeous woman. She’s knocking on 40 and looks like she’s just turning 25. Her body is to die for and her skin looks like it’s been kissed by God himself. And though I may be a little green-eyed about her physical attributes, I am not in the least bit jealous of her so-called “relationship” with Diddy.

Kim evidently wants us to use her as a clear example of how to avoid being a door mat in our relationships. So in honor of Kim’s personal sacrifice of respect for herself, I’ve compiled of list of what NOT to do. Please join me in paying homage to Kim.

1. Know Your Worth
When Kim and Diddy met, she was a receptionist at Uptown records, where Diddy was an intern. Eventually, Diddy was promoted to VP and Kim started modeling. Shortly after that, they hooked up and it’s been a rollercoaster ride ever since. She had a modeling career and earned her own money. A resourceful entrepreneur in her own right, she started her own party planning company in Atlanta, which she has seemingly given up on. She’s got (or at least, had) a life of her own. But her claim to fame is being Diddy’s off and on girlfriend and interminable ‘baby momma’. This disappoints me. Do not give up your life, your dreams and your goals for a man (or anyone else for that matter). He needs to know that you can and do pull your own weight. That you are with him because you want to be with him, not because you need somebody to feed you and put gas in your ride. See Exhibit A for proof. If you are totally dependent on him, he will treat you like a piece of property, because in reality, he really does own you if he’s supporting all your wants, needs and habits. Bad men love this type of woman. She’s always there to give up the booty and cook his meals while he doesn’t have to put much effort in other than throwing a few dollars at her to shut her up when she starts running of at the mouth.

2. Money Doesn’t Make a Man
Being with a paid man doesn’t add up to a pile of cow manure when he treats you like trash. The measure of a man is not defined by a large salary, fine clothing or a house on a hill. A “man” appreciates his woman and does not, under any circumstances, take her for granted. He knows she can bounce out on him at any moment should he not step up and play his position properly, so he does the necessary things to please her. If Diddy respected Kim, trust and believe he would not be out with Cassie at the zoo all hugged up (on Mother’s Day of all days!) and he most definitely would not be on the beach canoodling with J-Lo while Kim was in the hospital having his youngest son, Christian. WTF? If for no other reason, Kim should kicked his behind to the curb for that alone. I don’t even know Kim and that story pisses me off. Man…I wish somebody would… Don’t even get me started.

3. Love is What Love Does
When a man loves you, there is no doubt in your mind. You don’t have to wonder about it. His actions are clear and concise. He won’t be out doing things to you cause embarrassment or pain. Didn’t your mother tell you: “actions speak louder than words”? Forget what he says…focus on how he acts.

4. Quit Making Excuses for Him
While pregnant with twins, Kim was in the December 2006 issue of Essence Magazine rambling about how Diddy has changed and how good of a father he is to his kids. How he takes care of them and how he spends time with them. Ok great…good for Diddy, good for the kids. What about her? “I know he loves me, but he is learning how I need to be loved”. She sounds like the quintessential dumb broad. She’s been with this cat for what? 10+ years? And he doesn’t know how to love you the way you need to be loved? Please. If he hasn’t learned by now, he’s never going to learn. Rather, I believe, he just doesn’t care. Why should he? He knows she’s not going anywhere. Every time she “leaves” him, we see her spotted out with him somewhere holding hands. If you represent yourself as a door mat, you will be treated accordingly. The best thing she could do for her relationship with him is to leave and stay away. Find someone who loves her better. I guarantee a big motivator is the money and lifestyle Diddy provides, but who wants to have to cry and be miserable everyday while you’re sitting at the house alone as he is off screwing other chicks?

5. Stop Trying to Change Him
In that same Essence article, Diddy talks about how this was the first time he’s ever been in a monogamous relationship. How he hasn’t cheated “this time” and how fulfilling it is. Shortly after the twins were born, some other chick in Atlanta, Sarah Chapman, goes public with how she just had Diddy’s baby. DNA tests confirmed the child was his and evidently the two women were pregnant at the same time. What happened to that monogamy, Diddy? Sounds like that was just a lie to satisfy Kim’s dumb behind who, for some reason, thought you were a changed man. Listen, people do not change for other people! Oh, he certainly might change for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a year or longer. But trust and believe he will relapse and the façade will fade. It always does. If a man wants to change, he will change for himself, not because his woman has been nagging him and hounding him to change his ways. If there is a spiritual anointing upon him, he could change, but again, it’s not because any particular person forced him to change. That is a personal decision. Anyway, the next thing we know, Kim is giving interviews about how Sarah Chapman is a skank and how Kim’s kids don’t need to know the Sarah’s kid because it’s illegitimate and whatnot. Kim, shut up! You sound like a fool. She said that same thing when Diddy left her for J-Lo, calling her “nothing but a booty with a smile”. If you spent as much energy being mad at your “man” as you do all the women he’s bedding on a daily basis, you might have the time to actually make like the smart, self-reliant woman you used to be and leave his selfish behind.

After hitting it big at the tables in Vegas, a lightbulb went off in the collective brain of J-Lo and Skeletor (aka Marc Anthony) and it came with a note that read, “Let’s renew our vows”. Because something about being in Sin City with thousands of drunk fools just screams romance..


Simon & Garfunkel’s 1967 hit, Mrs. Robinson was about an older woman dating a younger man—what we today would call “cougars” (whoever came up with that name should be shot, but I digress…) Likewise, 15 year old Miley Cyrus is currently dating a 20 year old underwear model. And daddy Billy Ray Cyrus actually approves! Am I the only one who sees a problem with this?

I mean, he’s not old old, but he’s way too old for her. Shoot, when I was 14, I was going out with a guy that was 17 and my mom pitched a fit—and that was only a 3 year difference! At the age of 20, what could you possibly want from a 15 year old other than sex? Their maturity levels are bound to be in two way different places. What does this guy possibly have in common with her other than the fact that they’re both in Hollywood? Heck, at 21, most folks are doing their best to avoid the 18 and up nightclubs. So again…at 20, what is the connection here?

Furthermore, who is this dude anyway? He’s apparently some underwear model named Justin Gaston, but after asking around the office, no one’s even heard of this guy. Miley is a HUGE star, so perhaps he’s trying to boost is own career by getting with somebody of Miley’s caliber. Oh, and how convenient…he’s also an aspiring country singer. Go figure.

I could be wrong, but it seems to me that this dude is to K-Fed what Miley is to Britney. Get in, get the booty, get the money, and get out. Whatever his motive, I guarantee he’s tapping that. Don’t think so? Here’s a pic of our girl Miley watching her man as he walks the runway at the Christian Audigier show.


There’s a certain innocence a 15 year old has (or at least, should have). Billy, Miley and me all know these two are sleeping together. Seriously, what does want with her other than noteriety and sex?

The things you want out of life at 15 are so vastly different from what you want at 20. And besides, he’s an underwear model! Does he not know what kind of trouble he can get in messing around with her? He better not pull a Nick Jonas and break her heart. There will be a statutory rape case on him so fast he’ll be calling Carl Thomas and “wishing he’d never met her”. I’m not so sure about the laws surrounding this, but this guy might have saved his butt by having Billy Ray publically “approve” of this relationship.

Either way, I think this is a case of bad parenting. Sounds like Billy is trying to play the friend role, as opposed to the parent role.

I’m really upset about this and I don’t even have kids. I do, however, have a 15 year old nephew, and although I’m his favorite auntie (albeit, his only auntie), he would see a whole other side of “Auntie” if he came sauntering around me with some old woman five years his senior. His mom (my sister), his grandma & grandpa (my parents) and I would certainly not be approving of whatever he’d call himself doing.

Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the euphoria of being a teen and attrating and older suitor. At 17, I had the manager of the hottest clothing store in the city trying to date me. (Dating a manager would have gotten me major cool points. Come on, cut me some slack, I was a 16 year old fry girl at Burger King for crying out loud—shout out to Jamal and his broomstick, haha.) This guy was 24 and super cute. And even at 16, I knew what the deal was. here is nothing we had in common other than his 10% discount that I wanted. I didn’t date him and I didn’t sleep with him either. He probably would have hit it and quit it without a doubt and tried to play me on the discount in the end.

Ok, so that was an eight year difference, but follow me here. The principle remains. He is waaay too old for her and Billy knows what’s up. He needs to get a clue and help preseve his daughter’s innocence for as long as possible, which I’m positive is already hard as heck to do in Hollywood. Once it’s gone, there’s no turning back.

Is anybody else complete shocked that these two are still together?

In totally unrelated news: Doesn’t Rih Rih look hot here?!

Loves it!



I am now a featured columnist on Popsyndicate.com where I run the Celebrity Sex & Sin column. Remember the J-Hud marrying the very fruit-a-licious Punk post I wrote about a few weeks ago? Topics like that will be in my weekly column. You know you loved that post! So make sure you check me out every Monday!

Fear not! If It Walks Like a Duck will still be updated just as frequently as before. No need to worry about me slacking off. 🙂


I am positive there will all sorts of relationship issues in this film. Love triangles, adultery, betrayal, divorce, even love and family…I’m so excited! Heck, anything with Derek Luke (whoo!) and Angela Bassett has to be good. It hits theatres 1-16-09. I think I’m gonna round up a bunch of friends and make this an event…who’s with me??

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