If It Walks Like a Duck…

Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

work-ome

This guest post comes courtesy of the Mom & Dad over at Black and Married with Kids. Make sure to check them out when you get done here.

The whole concept of a work spouse is disturbing to me. According to an article on CNN.com, 23% of workes say they have a work spouse which is: “…a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship. In many ways, these relationships can mirror a real marriage.”

Here are 7 sevens signs that you have a work spouse:
1. You depend on a particular co-worker for office supplies, snacks and aspirin.
2. There are inside jokes that you and a specific co-worker share.
3. You can be bluntly honest with this person about his or her appearance, hygiene or hair (and vice versa). You’re comfortable enough to point out that the other’s hair is sticking up — or that someone’s fly is down.
4. When something eventful happens at work, this co-worker is the first person you seek out for a de-briefing.
5. At breakfast, lunch and coffee breaks, your closest co-worker knows what to order for you and how you like your coffee (and vice versa).
6. You and your co-worker can finish each other’s sentences.
7. Someone in your office knows almost as much about your personal life as your best friend or real-life spouse does.

Number 7 disturbs me the most. Should you really be sharing your personal life with your co-workers? I can understand talking about the kids, sharing photos of the kids or of a family vacation. But I don’t think you should share personal information about your marriage with a co-worker. I don’t think my husband would appreciate me confiding in a co-worker of the opposite sex…..asking this person for advice…or sharing secrets with that person. This type of behavior could quickly lead to in appropriate behaviour or affairs.

I certainly understand that people build friendships with people at work. Let’s face it, you spend the majority of your time with these folks each week. I have built several lasting relationships with women at work. But now that I am married, I will not be developing any close personal relationships with co-workers of the opposite sex.

And while we are on the topic, what about lunch? Do you think it is appropriate to go out to lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex or do you prefer to go out in groups? Is it ok for your spouse to purchase lunch for another co-worker or for a co-worker to buy lunch for your spouse?

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obama-familyEvery couple, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, background or creed should take notes from Barack & Michelle Obama.

Not only in terms of his presidency but in terms of their interactions. Rarely are a couple so genuinly in tuned with one another. It’s obvious they have what my friend would call a “soultie”, and its not just political front for the cameras. They aren’t one of those couples that need to separate their careers from their relationship, blocking out “business time” from “our time”. They are a team, and as a team, their relationship plays a vital role. If they were fakers, this wouldn’t be possible.

Barack doesn’t reduce Michelle to playing in the background. She was just as much a part of his candidacy as he was, and I’m positive the trend will continue into his presidency. He makes it known that she just might be a tad bit smarter than him. By the same token, she doesn’t try to overshadow him or get on some bra-burning feminist high horse. He is just as proud of her as she is of him and their authenticity resounds the world over. They both know their roles and play their positions expertly.

Michelle doesn’t mess around; she’s quick to tell him how it is. Barack is a real man and I don’t believe he would have it any other way. Can you see him married to some weak “yes-woman” with no backbone? Not a chance. She is very aware of her worth and revels in her femininity, yet she knows how and when to call the shots. They are on the same mental level — something very important in a relationship, let me tell you. They challenge each other, but they aren’t in competition with one another — a difference many couples have trouble deciphering. And he calls her “his rock” and means it. How beautiful is that? Michelle is a real woman and she holds it down.

Furthermore, they aren’t all extra mushy (yuck!) and sentimental. I love that they don’t get outrageously kissy faced or seem to have a need for attention being brought to their relationship. It’s not what you see in the movies or on television. What you see is what you get with the Obamas. They don’t have one of those relationships where you wonder if they ever have disagreements. I know they have disagreements. I can tell Barack annoys Michelle at times and vice versa. But they also seem like a couple that doesn’t yell and scream at one another. When Barack is getting to her, I can see Michelle retreating to read a book or workout while she calms down, then reapproaching the situation. It’s a REAL romance with an authenticity we rarely get a chance to view.

I absolutely love them and cannot wait till we get to see them and their beautiful daughters in action starting January 20, 2009. They are a shining example of what a relationship should be: a business-minded team as well as intimate lovers. YES WE DID!

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Copped this from my buddies over at BlackandMarriedWithKids.com, who always have a plethora of great info. Check it out:

Marriage Maker 1: (In)dependence

Guys like all the things that can come with marriage – the companionship, the safety, a guarantee of having good sheets on the bed and good reasons to change them. But one of the things they fear the most: that they’re going to feel more constricted than David Blaine in an ice block.

While most men understand that being married doesn’t mean that they can play six nights a week like they did in their bachelor days, they also want to feel like they have the blessing, support, and encouragement to play golf with their pals every once in a while, to knock a few back at the sports bar when the big game is on, to still feel free even when they’ve willingly surrendered some independence.

Marriage Maker 2: Adoring, Yet Not Needy

Few things turn a guy on as much as a woman who makes her man feel like he’s the only guy for her. And few things turn off a guy as much as a woman who makes her man feel like he’s the only guy for her.

Right, both statements are the same, but hugely different. It all has to do with where the woman and man are coming from. If they’re equals, they’re not making undue claims on each other, and they can be an even stronger pair. If either one of them is weak and needy, however, that emotional burden can drag both partners down. So, throw your partner some compliments and some assurances, but don’t tell him the planets spin around him.

He knows they don’t, and will question your sanity if you say they do. Especially at the start of a relationship, it won’t hurt for him to know that you’re perfectly OK without him, thank you very much, but that it’s more fun when you’re together. A light touch early can produce strong bonds later.

Marriage Maker 3: An Imaginative Mind

There’s a lot of press these days about men who worry about dating successful women, that they feel their masculinity is threatened if their women make more money or have more power. To that I say baloney (low-fat).

Men are very turned on by women who have big goals, big dreams, and big imaginations – whether they’re career-oriented or not. Because when a woman is driven, that means that she’s moving forward, and the whole family is, too.

Marriage Maker 4: Jekyll and Hyde

Not that we want our partners to flip-flop and pretend to be people they’re not, but there’s something intrinsically exciting about a partner who has the ability to be a sort of chameleon – a little fun and imaginative in bed, yet charming at a family reunion.

It’s the all-in-one woman who can equally pull off the roles of wife, mother, boss, friend, neighbor, vixen. That’s not asking too much, is it? After all, if a guy is going to commit for a lifetime, he’ll want his partner to be able to react to a lifetime’s worth of challenges and opportunities, right?

Remember my colleague with the douchebag husband? Well he’s done it again.

Today is my coworker’s birthday and she was worried her husband would forget again. Fortunately for him, he didn’t. He simply called her and said “Happy Birthday. Gotta go.”  (He’s a real winner, I’m telling you. Reminds me of an ex of mine…but I digress… [no cups, India!]  Why didn’t he say happy birthday when they woke up this morning? Methinks he did forget and somebody reminded him.)

Anyway, I tend to get flowers from my guy reguarly at work (shout out to my boo!). Our offices are very close to each other and when they arrive she always complains often about how the doucebag gave her flowers once when they were dating ten years ago and how she’d love to get flowers at work one day. TEN YEARS AGO! (*sigh*)

So four of us got together and decided to have flowers delivered to her for her bday. When they arrived, she was so excited, as she assumed they were from the douchebag. She goes, “Oh my goodenss, he didn’t!” (I’m thinking, No…he really didn’t.) So she opens the card and sees its from us, giggles a little and goes, “Thanks guys,” while sounding really disappointed because they weren’t from him. It wasn’t a “Thanks guys!”…it was more “Thanks guys…”, you know what I mean?  😦 This makes me sad.

Is anybody else complete shocked that these two are still together?

In totally unrelated news: Doesn’t Rih Rih look hot here?!

Loves it!

Sent to me today by a friend. Thought I’d share it with you. 🙂

A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman
may go to choose a husband from among many men. The
store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive
attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may
choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go
back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better
than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?”

So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s
further up?” And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good
looking. “Hmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking
and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very
tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up
another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,
help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy
me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to
the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 – You a re visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no
men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store and
have a nice day


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