If It Walks Like a Duck…

Archive for November 2008

Hey ya’ll! I, again, apologize for this short hiatus. I have 2 weeks of graduate school left and it’s really getting down to the wire. I will be back in full force after Dec. 13. In the meantime, thought I’d do one of those random time-waster quizzes so you can get to know me a lil better. (See below) Thanks for all your support and continued reading & commenting! Love you guys!

This post comes courtesy of Tony over at Time to Man Upwomen_counting_money. Be sure to check him out when you’re done over here.

Recently, I had the privilege of sitting down and having a drink with an older mature gentleman (probably twice my age). Something that I recommend young men do more often. It’s a great way to learn about our past as men while closing the history gap.

We were conversing back and forth on the mounting lack of respect between men and women. Kids- born out of wedlock, the death of chivalry, and the increasing rate of failing marriages. By the middle of the discussion, I had already come to the conclusion that many of these problems are from the declining value of what lies between a woman’s legs. Don’t misunderstand me; I am not talking about “tricking” …

A man no longer has to put FORTH much effort. Many of today’s women have dropped the bar and made it extremely easy, for any ol’ Joe with finances to get inside her precious treasure. A woman’s body is no longer reserve for the man that treats her with respect and earns her heart. It’s now reserve for the sugar daddy, the highest bidder, and big spenders.

In my opinion some things are just too valuable to sell. You see, when something is for sale that means any dummy with money can buy it. There are no background checks, character witnesses, or goals.

In short, the true essence of a man is overlooked for his financial wealth. Which, in the long run doesn’t mean much. All you have is an idiot with money; who has no idea nor cares how to treat a woman with respect.

Back then, a man had to prove himself before sleeping with a woman. To sum it up, he had to work for the goods. Men had to provide evidence that they were worthy and simply playing sugar daddy wasn’t good enough. A man was measured by his goals, LIFE intentions and realness.

What went wrong!

Things WENT wrong when women lowered the bar from a man’s character to his clothes and whips. This opened the DOOR for a lot of fake dudes to get in (financially stable men who have no real character)…no genuine intentions of loving her, taking care of his kids, or even marriage.

I remember as a young BOY my mother use to say “You can only sell what they’re buying.” Which means it’s easy to SELL bs, if THEY’RE buying bs. I suggest women look more into a man’s character instead of his pocket and bank account. And keeping their legs closed long enough to SEE HIS TRUE qualities.

You can forge many things, but it’s hard as hell to fake character. I’m not saying it can’t be done but very few people can do it.

But then again….This is just MY philosophy…What’s yours?

Yes people, this is a real commercial and this is a real product. I called to verify authenticity and this is not a joke. This little card will either be a cheater’s best friend, or worst enemy.

work-ome

This guest post comes courtesy of the Mom & Dad over at Black and Married with Kids. Make sure to check them out when you get done here.

The whole concept of a work spouse is disturbing to me. According to an article on CNN.com, 23% of workes say they have a work spouse which is: “…a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship. In many ways, these relationships can mirror a real marriage.”

Here are 7 sevens signs that you have a work spouse:
1. You depend on a particular co-worker for office supplies, snacks and aspirin.
2. There are inside jokes that you and a specific co-worker share.
3. You can be bluntly honest with this person about his or her appearance, hygiene or hair (and vice versa). You’re comfortable enough to point out that the other’s hair is sticking up — or that someone’s fly is down.
4. When something eventful happens at work, this co-worker is the first person you seek out for a de-briefing.
5. At breakfast, lunch and coffee breaks, your closest co-worker knows what to order for you and how you like your coffee (and vice versa).
6. You and your co-worker can finish each other’s sentences.
7. Someone in your office knows almost as much about your personal life as your best friend or real-life spouse does.

Number 7 disturbs me the most. Should you really be sharing your personal life with your co-workers? I can understand talking about the kids, sharing photos of the kids or of a family vacation. But I don’t think you should share personal information about your marriage with a co-worker. I don’t think my husband would appreciate me confiding in a co-worker of the opposite sex…..asking this person for advice…or sharing secrets with that person. This type of behavior could quickly lead to in appropriate behaviour or affairs.

I certainly understand that people build friendships with people at work. Let’s face it, you spend the majority of your time with these folks each week. I have built several lasting relationships with women at work. But now that I am married, I will not be developing any close personal relationships with co-workers of the opposite sex.

And while we are on the topic, what about lunch? Do you think it is appropriate to go out to lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex or do you prefer to go out in groups? Is it ok for your spouse to purchase lunch for another co-worker or for a co-worker to buy lunch for your spouse?

cartoon_friendsTHE BACKSTORY:

I’m not an easily offended person and I’m not super-sensitive like some women. I can dish the sarcasm and take it with the best of ’em…most days…

This morning, I had a discussion via Yahoo! IM with a close girlfriend of mine who jokingly said some sarcastic comment that hurt my feelings, as it was the exact comment an ex had said to me on numerous occasions. The difference is that he wasn’t being sarcastic or fatecious. He was dead serious. So this hurt my feelings and the more I let it fester the more annoyed I became. 😦 She didn’t know he had said this to me, but she’s very aware of what a bastard he is.

So eventually, I just let it out and I’m like “I cannot believe you just said that to me. WTF? ‘He’ used to say that ish to me all the time. Whine whine whine.”

THE CONVO (and I am copying and pasting so yes, this is word-for-word):

FRIEND:
Let’s get a few things clear here:
1. I am not him. My name begins with an ‘I’
2. You should know by now that I’m usually sarcastic and anything that may sound offensive is usually a joke
3. I would NEVER do you like that psycho you…. I LOVE you, and I believe we’ll be together forever

ME:
*sniff sniff* mmk. Some stuff just strikes a chord. Like, if i said something that was just like what you-know-who said or something, you’d be a lil weirded out, I think. Sorry if i got overly offended. 😦

FRIEND:
Forgiven…and Im sorry if I offended you

ME:
mmk *hugs*

FRIEND:
*hugs* ok…what’s going on for friday?

Ok, so her point #3 was a little fruitalicious…but that’s just her being a gooftroop. There’s no down-low stuff going on here.

But this convo made me think of how important girlfriend relationships are for women and how many of us don’t have them. Guys usually have their “crew” of buddies they are always with and can count on. Women (at least the ones I know) are a little different. We typically have a select few we can trust. With women being known to be so catty and drama-creaters, every woman needs a good girlfriend or two she can relate to. It’s cool to have male friends and everything but girlfriend relationships are so important.

It’s interesting how when I was a teen, I didn’t have a “crew” of girls I hung out with. I attended a mixed-race suburban school but I lived in the hood my entire life and just could not get with the phoniness that I was surrounded by at school. Although I was popular and was cool with (mostly) everyone, I only had a few girlfriends, usually about 2 or 3 at a time. I didn’t trust girls, for good reason. The ones I knew always wanted to try to steal your man, try to out-do you, fight over stupid mess or talk about you behind your back. For a long time, I thought this only happened to me. Soon, I found out that this is just the way girls were. My mom let me know that sometimes girls are just jealous of everything and nothing at the same time and that it was ok if I had my select few, for the ones with the large crews always seemed to have the largest internal problems within said crew. I found that to be true and became content with my small tight-knit circle. As a result, I had a lot more male friends — they weren’t on all that nonesense of talking about folks and being sneaky. They just wanted to go play laser tag and hit up the Cavs games (Cleveland stand up!).  Of course, they’d sometimes try to make a move, but it was pretty easy to let ’em know it wasn’t going down like that. They’d eventually back off and be content with living in what I’ve often heard referred to as “the dreaded friend box”.

Now that I’m (not much) older, I still have my select few girls, but much more open to new relationships with women. Sometimes I think I give people the benefit of the doubt too often, but trust, a chick will get cut off quickly if I see she’s being sneaky and underhanded…which I’ve had to do recently. The more I mature the more I appreciate good girlfriends and what those relationships offer to me as a person and as a woman. We need to fellowship with one another and connect on a level you just can’t get to with your man or other male friends. So to all my current good girlfriends and to all the ones I’ll cultivate relationships with in the future, here’s a big ol’ virtual *HUG* from me to you.

obama-familyEvery couple, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, background or creed should take notes from Barack & Michelle Obama.

Not only in terms of his presidency but in terms of their interactions. Rarely are a couple so genuinly in tuned with one another. It’s obvious they have what my friend would call a “soultie”, and its not just political front for the cameras. They aren’t one of those couples that need to separate their careers from their relationship, blocking out “business time” from “our time”. They are a team, and as a team, their relationship plays a vital role. If they were fakers, this wouldn’t be possible.

Barack doesn’t reduce Michelle to playing in the background. She was just as much a part of his candidacy as he was, and I’m positive the trend will continue into his presidency. He makes it known that she just might be a tad bit smarter than him. By the same token, she doesn’t try to overshadow him or get on some bra-burning feminist high horse. He is just as proud of her as she is of him and their authenticity resounds the world over. They both know their roles and play their positions expertly.

Michelle doesn’t mess around; she’s quick to tell him how it is. Barack is a real man and I don’t believe he would have it any other way. Can you see him married to some weak “yes-woman” with no backbone? Not a chance. She is very aware of her worth and revels in her femininity, yet she knows how and when to call the shots. They are on the same mental level — something very important in a relationship, let me tell you. They challenge each other, but they aren’t in competition with one another — a difference many couples have trouble deciphering. And he calls her “his rock” and means it. How beautiful is that? Michelle is a real woman and she holds it down.

Furthermore, they aren’t all extra mushy (yuck!) and sentimental. I love that they don’t get outrageously kissy faced or seem to have a need for attention being brought to their relationship. It’s not what you see in the movies or on television. What you see is what you get with the Obamas. They don’t have one of those relationships where you wonder if they ever have disagreements. I know they have disagreements. I can tell Barack annoys Michelle at times and vice versa. But they also seem like a couple that doesn’t yell and scream at one another. When Barack is getting to her, I can see Michelle retreating to read a book or workout while she calms down, then reapproaching the situation. It’s a REAL romance with an authenticity we rarely get a chance to view.

I absolutely love them and cannot wait till we get to see them and their beautiful daughters in action starting January 20, 2009. They are a shining example of what a relationship should be: a business-minded team as well as intimate lovers. YES WE DID!

YES WE DID!!!!

obamaparty1


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